Wondering What It Is

waterworks

Lately I’ve been really stressed because besides taking and prioritizing all the responsibilities at school and at home, I don’t feel sort of excitement or better than I used before. I eat well, I write here on my blog regularly, I do things that I really love, I have friends and kicking out… you know all the things that usually a teen perk up. But this recently has been far from before. It’s not been a normal life. It’s not been much of anything really, just time passing. And this concerns me a lot.

I wonder if I crept into new projects or quite possibly reorganize stuffs on my list. I think it’s really my heart and soul that needs a “long” pause right now. I’m all burnt out… I’m still not enticed up and lacking of motivation. I need new experiences to gain thoughts, new sounds to hear, a vacation away from home, things to capture with my eyes and most of all, I need to feel the warmth and feel alive again because this drives me into the dimension I don’t belong in ways I cannot begin to describe or to enjoy. I do feel like there has to be something more for myself—that I need to identify what it is and somehow go for it, embrace it, and finally feel like that space has been filled.

Maybe I just didn’t know that there is something I really missed for months but suddenly I do and I don’t know where this solitary feeling come from. Or perhaps I’ve been going through it for months and used my workaholic image to mask it and now that I’ve paused a bit, I have had enough quiet in my life to hear that little empty space that I had no clue ever popped. Perhaps in some ways when we work hard and try to show our versatility and continue to aim our aspirations in life is how we avoid thinking about the true essence of reality and forget the priorities we have to focus on.

But the question is, how will I get started? This is what I will explore in the next chapter of my life. I am thinking more and more lately about the importance of being happy. That how you are going to be really happy in your heart, your soul, and with yourself and well, just honestly happy. It is true that time heals wounds. It will absolutely come at the right time. And now I think this is the right time, I am ready to face whatever this empty spot is and finally heal it. I’m ready.

Though I quite often write updates about the things I do here on my blog, I now learned to spill out something personal. This may show that this is a place of pretty things and inspiration. I thought it can be quite more inspirational to do this from time to time and read about how others feel because we can sometimes relate to those feelings and gain some strength from it, what do you guys think? I feel zero regret publishing this post because I know this is a safe place. You’re my friends and I cherish how I have your friendship. Maybe some of you need to hear this, feel the same, and perhaps now you can share bits of your life that perhaps you share with me in the comments section. Encouragement and support would be nice!

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goodbye two thousand twelve

goodbye 2012

This past year was equally amazing as it was difficult. It was my first year as a successful blogger and I couldn’t be more thankful for where I’m at on this little adventure of mine. It is my dream to be a full-time writer someday—I feel so lucky to be doing what I savor at such a young age. And there are more countless things to cheer up about from the past year.

I wonder what is next. I’ve been waiting my entire life to feel this good about myself.  I’ve always been so hard on myself and though that drove me to do better work, it also drove me into moments when I simply felt no peace inside of myself until I accomplished this or that goal. I am a bit better now; I want to continue on my way as a blogger, leader, top-finisher, friend, classmate, brother, and son.

2013 is going to be a good year—I hope far better than 2012 (I sense it!). I hope you all had an emblazed holiday and you might as well kick-start the year right!

PS. If you’ll notice, there are many changes found here on my blog today. Yep! I’ll be having my new personal blog and I’ll focus on sharing more of my personal life—I think it’s a nice thing to do from time to time, isn’t it? Thank you so much to all of you for being part of my journey through this site. Getting to do this job and reaching out to you every day really means so much to me!